As I have been reflecting and the excitement has been growing in preparation to celebrate turning 29, I came to realize what year 28 had been preparing me to step into this year.
Last year was a roller coaster; if I could put year 28 into one sentence or phrase it would be the year of rediscovery. Now, I know that sounds really philosophical, but, trust me, it was more introspective than philosophical. This past year, God did a lot of work inside of me.
Similar to gutting the inside of a house, God was gutting the inside of my soul. He went to work breaking down old identities, busting through walls of current insecurities, pulling out nails of tired trappings, ripping up carpet of heavy burdens, and shattering tiles filled with lies from the enemy.
Being the type of person that I am, I do not like to spend a lot of time reflecting on me; sweeping things under the rug is the name of the game. Being still is a spiritual discipline that is extremely difficult; so, when I felt The Holy Spirit knocking to do some major soul work, I was reluctant and fearful.
I knew that things were off; I knew that The Lord wanted to spend some quality and intentional time with me to show me the places in my soul that were dry and thirsting for His living water, but my pride and stubbornness were constantly gripping tight to the reigns of my life, refusing to surrender to His call.
To be honest, the only way one could really know that my soul was dry is if you were people in my inner circle; to the average person, I was doing just fine. But God is not a father that desires for His kids to be just fine; He wants His children to experience the abundant life that Jesus came to give and that Jesus sacrificed His life for; ergo, gutting soul work was on His agenda for me.
So, 28 was a daily wrestle with God working through all the things that had caused my soul to become dry; the moments in life that had propelled me into a wilderness season.
A wilderness season where I felt like parts of myself had gotten lost.
During this season, when I couldn’t find the words and expressing true feelings were too much, worship became my outlet. The song that was on repeat, day in and day out, was Rita Springer’s song Defender; a song about The Lord fighting for us; we just need to be still. A daily reminder to practice the very spiritual discipline that was so very hard for me to do, but this song was balm to my weary soul.
The bridge of this song became the cry of my heart:
When I thought I lost me
You knew where I left me
You reintroduced me to Your love
You picked up all my pieces
Put me back together
You are the defender of my heart
I knew that the soul work God was doing was necessary; I knew that He was doing what was best for me and that this was the process of rediscovery.
Rediscovering who He made me to be, but most importantly, rediscovering Himself inside of me.
Rediscovering the passionate love He has for me.
Rediscovering the fire He set ablaze in me for His Kingdom work.
Rediscovering the awe and wonder of who He is and what He’s done.
Rediscovering the Holy Spirit’s power and what that means as His daughter.
Rediscovering Scotti Beth, the way He created me.
God used the gutting to tear down and rebuild me, from the inside out; to bring me out of the wilderness season and to release His living water into my soul.
28 was rediscovery and 29 is launching.
Launching into more of Him and less of me.