Radio Silence.

It’s been a while since I have written a blog post — between the ramping up in my ministry schedule and actively working to be more intentional with people and my time, when the moments of slow down come, I find myself just completely stopped and desiring rest in the form of doing absolutely nothing.

Do you ever have those moments? Those days? Those weeks?

It’s this feeling where your week is full of good things, but, at the end of every day, you find yourself exhausted and desiring nothing more than to do nothing; you just want time to soak in the blank space and the radio silence because life has gotten so loud.

This has been a daily routine of mine for the past couple of months — full days with life giving moments/interactions, but nights where the exhaustion turns into restlessness and the restlessness turns into fatigue because the cycle has been on repeat.

I’ve experienced cycles like this before; I think other extroverts can relate — I am fueled by people and genuinely love to be surrounded by people, but the older I get, the more I am realizing the gift that comes from having alone time — an introvert’s favorite moment of the day.

The problem, for this extrovert, is when I get into this cycle it is the breeding ground for the enemy to distract me. He knows what fills me and what drains me; he begins his mind game. The mind game of getting me so focused on the big picture of ministry, friendships, life, etc., which, in turn, he uses to immediately overwhelm me and create a million invisible plates, that are spinning, and I am constantly on the move trying to make sure the plates don’t drop.

Ergo my desire for blank space and radio silence — the enemy knows if he can get me to this place then the blank space and radio silence, which are healthy and good from time to time, become the tools he uses to make sure I can’t hear God’s voice.

I lose my sense of His presence — I become consumed with me and my feelings.

I lose my clarity — my day to day becomes fuzzy.

I lose my sense of peace — every day feels hectic and busy.

I lose my joy — His voice isn’t there to refill my cup.

I lose my desire to press in deeper — His presence feels far and I don’t have the energy to reset my gaze on Him.

The enemy knows if he can overwhelm me then my communication with God drastically lessens and so, my voice and my desire to speak and share lessens and the enemy thinks he has gained a victory…

BUT, here’s the thing that the enemy doesn’t know, while he may have overwhelmed me for a little while, God has been working in the midst of this cycle; God has indeed been moving through the blank space and making waves in the radio silence.

What the enemy intended for evil, God flipped and used it for good and for His glory!

During this particular cycle of blank space and radio silence, God has been teaching me how to hear His voice again.

For the past six months, I have been fervently asking The Lord to help me hear His voice in a new way — I want to not just hear His voice, but truly know His voice and live out what He tells us in John 10 — I have been praying to know my good shepherd.

Anytime I ask The Lord for something like this, I get to see His sense of humor in His character… I have been praying to hear His voice in a new way and for it to be clear and how “ironic” that He walks me through a cycle of blank space and radio silence; a cycle where I have to seek Him in new ways, listen in a different way, my ears closer to the ground, waiting to know more of my Father’s voice, discovering His voice in the midst of the silence.

Last weekend, I took my girls to Girls Conference and there, the third session, we learned about what to do when God is silent — I love when God does things like this! He truly meets us where we are and He shows up, even when we don’t feel like He is close or present — He is always moving and working on our behalf.

Listening to Rachel’s message was like taking the ear plugs out; it was like removing the sound silencing headphones and my ears hearing clearly all the sounds around me; Rachel’s message helped break the cycle and usher in the clarity I had been praying for.

Rachel, being The Holy Spirit’s vessel, broke through the blank space and radio silence by speaking these three truths:

1. God doesn’t leave.
   Hebrews 13:5 – “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
2. God can be trusted.
   Proverbs 3:5-6 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
3. God wants me near Him.
   James 4:8 – “Come near to God and He will come near to you.”

When we walk through cycles where the enemy wants nothing more than to silence God and create a block in our hearts and minds where we can’t seem to find Him or we can’t seem to hear His voice, I would encourage us to remember these three truths. God’s Word is stronger than any scheme of the enemy and His plan will always trump the enemy’s feeble attempt to disarm us and draw us away from God.

Our job, when we are in the midst of these cycles, is to combat the blank space and radio silence by being like a tree, staying rooted in God’s Word, and as we continue to dive into His Word, I believe we will re-acclimate ourselves with His voice.

The cycle of blank space and radio silence is never a fun one for me; it leaves me drained and frustrated, but the beauty of walking through this cycle is getting to see what God was doing all along. He is true to His word and He is faithful to His children. He knew that I needed time to work through some things and He also knew that my true heart’s desire was to hear more of His voice, so, even though it was difficult, He answered my prayer and through the silence, His voice came through, like a roaring lion.

When the blank space becomes too empty and the radio silence becomes too loud, press in a little deeper — God is waiting on the other side and believe me, that last push, it’s worth it!